Poem

I have been reading Rainer Marie Rilke .... "A Walk" My eyes already touch the sunny hill, going far ahead of the road I have begun. So we are grasped by what we cannot grasp; it has its inner light, even from a distance — and changes us, even if we do not reach it, into something else, which, hardly sensing it, we already are; a gesture waves us on, answering our own wave ... but what we feel is the wind in our faces. “”"The Walk" by Rainer Maria Rilke (1924) Translated by Robert Bly It is beautiful

Pain

Melodramatically titled post?
Not sure- I've been thinking about pain andI keep seeing my sister's face.

I remember when she first mentioned, the abdominal cramp and pain - immediately after eating. That day after breakfast - she had to lie down trying to cope with the pain...

I was badgering her to go to a GP to check out the problem - she said she would. I think she delayed going to the doctor for more than a month.

I remember - how she lookedon 13 Jan - trying to reach out to each of us who visited her. her right hand extending - gaze clouded by drugs and filled with pain and fear!

She was afraid and in pain and I could only mumble silly things like - don't worry chechi, it'll get better, we'll go home soon...

We took her home on 15 Jan - somehow that was not a journey I imagined... pain on everyones faces - my brother-in-law, my nieces, my parents.

I saw her in my dream yesterday - pain etched face, trying to touch me.

What happens when...

As mentioned earlier - has been a hectic 2 months - body and brain have temporarily shutdown - I was thinking the word 'over' the other day and few words kept popping up - overworked, overwhelming, overused, overreach... I think I'd do well in scrabble if someone gave me an 'er'word!'

Down with throat infection and doctor advised strongly for 'voice rest.' Hence I type away. Took the day off from work yesterday and got a snide remark from boss for that! REALLY - people take a chill pill!

That apart I have read enough political commentaries and economy reports - decided I would look at other generes for a change- SO!

I have been reading and reading - ... the chosen genere has been erotica - it has turned out to be VERY interesting! :)

I am checking out few more authors - it will be interesting to see what they have to say!

Life's OK!

Cancer

Many patients die of cancer as a result not only of metastases but also recurrence of their primary tumor and treatment with cytotoxic drugs. In most patients with cancer, the cause of death is usually indirect; death is not the result of an overwhelming metastatic burden.

Renal damage may occur as a result of direct renal or ureteric invasion rather than renal metastases. The most common causes of death in cancer patients are chest or urinary tract infections, usually of gram-negative organisms. The infections usually result from an impairment in drainage caused by metastases.

Paraneoplastic syndromes occur in as many as 75% of patients at one time or another; these syndromes contribute to an electrolyte imbalance and subsequent demise. These syndromes have no direct relationship to tumor metastases. Most patients with liver metastases die with metastases rather than from metastases.

And there was no more time.

I waited thinking there was time
I waited to take that vacation
I waited thinking let my son grow up a bit more
I waited to do that family get together
I waited thinking let her get better

I waited, 34 long years
to get to know my sister better
and suddenly - There is no time left
Suddenly within a span of 6 months
Our lives have changed forever

I'll never know what her favourite colour was
I'll never know what she liked doing best
I'll never know what made her laugh
Or what made her cry
Now, to put it simply - I'll never know

There is no more time left - with her
to laugh, to cry, to soothe, to fight
No more time left!

Mental Fatigue

I have been doing some re-visiting of my old thoughts.... you know like a pensieve! Why am I visitng old thoughts, pretty simple, I seem to be suffering from a recurring malady - mental fatigue. No no... I have not taken a medical opinion:). This is my own immense wisdom!

Cause & Effect - I perceive my brain is unable to sustain the same thought for more than five minutes. It keeps wandering off at a tangent from what I am supposed to be thinking! Effect - a small concept note I was supposed to prepare has taken me 5 days and it is yet to see the light of the day. I know what I want to say, but have not yet gotten around to saying it. Every time I open that particular document, I am supposed to be working on, my brain switches gear. Phew! I perceive a very unhappy session chair at the end of the day!

I can't go back to the session chair complaining mental fatigue... so here I am revisiting old-thought and typing out my current thoughts before I forget it! slightly modified Ghajini ishtyle - on my blog!

Coming to terms with

Bhopal: I wrote before - I write again... estimated 20000 died, still many suffer but strangely - our justice system calls it criminal negligence - that is it!

Forget justice for dead it doesn't matter. Ok we don't need to care or worry about the ones who are going to be born with defects - afterall the political entity has decreed that there is no proof that the leakage of Methyl isocynate on the fateful night of 2 December 1984 casue the birth defects. And without the political will the scientific community will not be able to prove it either. Strange science!

And the thousands who are still living with the after effects of the exposure - a strongly motivated medical community can point out old age and other addictions as the cause. After all it is just collateral damage - imagine the amount of investments that international corporations are planning in India, imaging thenumber of new jobs created, the better lifestyle we willbe able to afford - the international entity in question has even set up shop in Chennai. I wonder which part of the locality this international corporation will set up its industrial facility. I need to ensure that my near and dear ones are not living anywhere close to it.

Ofcourse, in the era of forget it - old story, brush it under the carpet of dead, rotting bodies of the victims. Lets ignore the past, let us forget all lessons we were supposed to learn, let us forge new and better relationship with such entities and ofcourse get our comeuppance.

Lets come to terms with criminal negligence!